My husband and I had always thought we would wait a few years after getting married before we start a family. I wanted to wait until I had completed my qualifications in my career and we wanted to ensure we were in a good place financially.

Whilst at bible week last year, God spoke very clearly to both my husband and I. He said to us ‘What are you waiting for?’ We were excited and obedient to what God had spoken over our lives.

In May of this year I had a beautiful baby girl. Praise God! As all new Mums will tell you it’s also a very tiring and emotional time. I did initially feel very nervous, as I hadn’t previously spent much time around babies, but assumed I would pick things up and become more confident.

There were some things that were adding to my anxiety. She wasn’t feeding very well and despite all my best efforts she hardly gained any weight in the first month. I remember reading my baby book and seeing that she fell into the ‘failure to thrive’ category, not very encouraging! Also the ‘sleepless nights’ were literally that. I remember the first time we came to church after she was born; we had finally managed to get her to sleep around 7.30am and we knew that we didn’t have long before we’d have to get up to go to church. That was a really hard day, people asking how we were, expecting me to be beaming from ear to ear, and I wasn’t. That made me feel so guilty.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, I loved her so much, and that made me feel worse. Why am I not happy? I should be happy, I have been blessed! What is wrong with me?

I’ve always been someone who wears their heart on their sleeve; I’m not good at pretending everything is okay, when it’s not. I wanted to be more dignified and portray togetherness, but I wasn’t strong enough for that. I would start crying whenever anyone asked how I was doing. But now looking back, I’m glad I was honest.

Some wonderful people in the church rallied around to help me in practical ways and to help me lift my eyes to Jesus. My husband was a pillar of strength at this time too. I thank God for who he put around me at this time, it really did sustain me.

However that wasn’t good enough. Surely there’s more to life than just ‘getting through’? I wanted more than that. I wanted to be happy. I knew there was more for me, but didn’t know how to get it. I felt numb inside as I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions, and didn’t know how to deal with this on a spiritual level.

Anyway, when my daughter was around 6 weeks old, one Sunday morning we were in church and she slept for the longest she had ever slept. She slept through the worship time and through the whole of the word. I kept expecting to have to leave the meeting to feed her, but it never happened. That morning after the word, Ezekiel called people forward who had suffered from depression. God told Ezekiel to draw a line and we were to step over this line, and move on from our depression. I decided to go forward. I was very hesitant; I didn’t want to admit that I was depressed in front of the whole church. But I realised this was my time, and I also realised God had kept me in the meeting for a reason.

So I went forward, began to take hold of what God had for me. I realised that I had to stand firm and trust God, that he had spoken to us, and would not let this be more than I could handle. God is not a man, that He should lie!!

Now this wasn’t positive thinking, I’d tried that. This was confessing the truth of God’s promises over my life. I realised that I had been listening to the lies of the enemy, and not to my faithful, loving God who cares for me.

Now things didn’t immediately get easier in terms sleep etc, that’s not what I had been promised. But my spirit started to lift and as I put my trust in God day by day, I became so much happier. Now, I believe I am completely where I am supposed to be. I love being Mum, and I am so grateful that I have a God that is bigger than any of this. His burden is easy, when we allow Him in.

So why did this happen to me? Why did I feel so down, when other people manage to get through just fine? I’m a Christian, surely I shouldn’t get depressed. Maybe because I allowed the situation to get on top of me, and cloud my relationship with God, maybe because God wanted to use me to minister to other people in similar situations. Either way, I don’t think it matters. All that matters is that God turned it around for His glory!!

God does care about our struggles; we don’t have to be perfect, it’s okay to admit we’re finding things hard, but we need to trust He knows the best for us, and allow Him in to our hearts.

I want to encourage anyone who is in a situation where they feel vulnerable, and are feeling depressed to take that step of faith and trust God, He is sovereign.

I would just like to share what I see for the Church in the Homes that we are embarking on this week. As a Church, we are going to have huge influence in the City of Manchester. Because of this, we need to make every effort to be a community and I believe that our Church in the Homes are going to be a significant marker for our future life together as we grow into thousands. We will see people who live around us saved and added to the Church through us being a community. These people will then begin to live out this community lifestyle themselves, and start to meet as the Church in their Homes.

This is not just a case of the Elders making sure all the members are looked after (although this is their job as shepherds of God’s people, which they already do very well, Praise God!). This vision is God calling us as a community to meet together, this is God’s plan for us, and this is what He wants us to be doing right now.

People everywhere will know we are God’s people by the way we love one another and live in unity with one another in our homes. If we really catch hold of what God is saying here, it is the most radical and exciting plan we could possibly live in right now. The best place to be is in the plan and purpose of God, it is the most exciting, challenging, radical, life changing and fruitful place we can live and be in.

We should see this as a challenge to dive right into the centre of all that God is and will do though our meeting and sharing life together. When we live in this place we will see thousands saved and added as members to the Church. We will see people delivered, the blind see, the deaf hear, the mute speak and the dead raised. I am already excited about all that God is doing through us as a Church community already. However, I am even more excited about what He will do as we grow in love and unity together through meeting as the Church in our Homes. Through the whole Church living in unity and expressing community we will become a huge influential people in the city of Manchester.

Update: Wednesday 11th February 2009:

Praise God, North Somerset NHS Trust have now reinstated Caroline Petrie with no disciplinary action and allowed her to return to work – Click here for the full update on this story.

The story of NHS community nurse Caroline Petrie has been in the news quite a bit this week. She has been suspended and faces disciplinary action by offering to pray for someone to be healed. She was quoted as follows on the BBC website:

“My faith got stronger and I realised God was doing amazing things in my life. I saw my patients suffering and as I believe in the power of prayer, I began asking them if they wanted me to pray for them. They are absolutely delighted”

Christians in the UK don’t generally suffer persecution in the same way that our brothers & sisters in other parts of the world do. However, I believe that as we stand for the radical truths and claims of the Gospel, which include healing the sick in the name of Jesus, we will increasingly face opposition and ‘persecution’ of the type that Caroline Petrie is currently facing.

Throughout the pages of the Bible, and throughout history – the good news of the Gospel has always prospered & advanced amongst persecution. The message of the gospel of the Kingdom is increasingly gathering pace in the UK. Yes, that may awaken persecution, trouble and opposition, but we can take great courage from the words of Jesus Christ below in all that we face as we boldly proclaim that Jesus saves, Jesus heals and that Jesus is transforming lives in this nation.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33 (NIV)

Click here for a good response to this news story in the Daily Telegraph today from Dr Trevor Stammers of the Christian Medical Fellowship.

We understand from the Bible that our fellowship is with the Father, His son, Jesus Christ and with one another (1 John 1:3-7). As we follow God’s unfolding purpose, we see the church as a covenant community: a people belonging to God, a people of common unity, purpose, vision and calling; Acts 2:44; 4:32: “they had all things in common”. The benefits of fellowship as we see them in scripture are as follows:

Identity in Christ: “By this shall all men know that you are my disciple, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Jesus tells us that love for one another will show the world that we belong to Him. This is a powerful evangelistic tool.

Access to receive from Christ: Matthew 18:18-19 (Amplified Version). “Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, make a symphony together) about whatever [anything and everything] they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in heaven. For wherever two or three are gathered (drawn together as my followers) in my name, there I AM in the midst of them”.

Increase and growth: As a result of the fellowship of believers in Acts 2, the Lord added to their number daily. We can also experience this in our midst, if we commit ourselves to fellowship with God and with one another

Miracles, signs and wonders: Church is about life together as a family of God’s people, dedicated to establishing His Kingdom on the earth, where the supernatural power of God is manifest in our midst

Strengthening one another: Relationships develop when we meet together. Church in the Home provides the opportunity to deepen relationships through breaking of bread, praying together, encouraging one another, encountering God together and sharing our lives together.

“From them will come songs of thanksgiving and the sound of rejoicing. I will add to their numbers, and they will not be decreased; I will bring them honor, and they will not be disdained. Their children will be as in days of old, and their community will be established before me” – Jeremiah 30:19-20 (NIV)

In recent weeks, I’ve been struck again by the power of our thanksgiving and rejoicing before God. It always releases us further into the purposes of God. God calls us as His people to have the attitude of gratitude. Our attitude will determine the altitude to which we will fly in our lives with God.

Jeremiah brings the word of God stating that God will add to their numbers and they will not be decreased. This promise comes in the context of the people of God bringing their praise, worship and thanksgiving unto the Lord. Thanksgiving & Rejoicing will lead us into increase (Isaiah 54:1-3). Worship softens the ground for the rain and abundance of heaven to be seen in our lives here on earth.

We believe that 2009 is a year for us to extend and increase our influence for the Kingdom here in Manchester. We also believe that it is year where we will be increasingly established as a community, not a crowd. Every member of the church, whether they are young or old, been around for 2 months or 20 years can play their part in this vision. Advancing the Kingdom is a community project for us all.

In the next few weeks, we will be outlining and sharing our vision of the importance of how we meet in our homes throughout the week. We believe that God is calling us to be a people of devotion. We are devoted to fellowship, breaking of bread, apostolic teaching and prayer. We are devoted to God, and we are devoted to one another. The devotion of our hearts together will lead to the demonstration and manifestation of the Spirit’s power amongst us in 2009.